if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
