She announced her abortion via fbk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
