I just pynch a tree in the face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this just has baby written all over it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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