maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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