I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
