Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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