Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
