I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
