craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
