I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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