On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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