who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
