i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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