you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize