I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
