Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
