6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
