Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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