My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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