i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize