matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
