I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
