You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize