i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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