Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
