just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
