thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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