Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
