CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i love accidental penises.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize