my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
