I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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