Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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