The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
