Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
