if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
