Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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