i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
