I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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