I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
