Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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