Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize