i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
