1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm both gender and math confused
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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