Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
