It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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