there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
