Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
