I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
