im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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