Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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