If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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