Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
