Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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