my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm really busy with my period
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