Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
