Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
