He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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