Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
