What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
