Soap is not a condiment
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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