I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
