tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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