He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
