My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
