Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
