We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
pray to the hookup gods
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
