..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
