I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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