Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize