you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
