roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
