the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
