Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
