I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize