So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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