I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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