we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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