just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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