his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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