i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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