You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
