ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Randomize
