These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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