remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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