Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
