sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
