Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
