I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
