he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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