I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize