I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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