dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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