yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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