return my video game
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
