Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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