Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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