i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
