he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
