You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
