I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
