Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
