this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
