Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
