Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's never too late to be topless.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
