He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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