I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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