when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
