i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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