i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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